#004 bù hǎo yì si/不好意思
Apology culture/道歉文化
#004 bù hǎo yì sī/不好意思
The phrase, ‘bù hǎo yì sī’, can be heard ubiquiously in Taiwan. This phrase, depending on the context, has various meanings. The literal translation is “bad meaning.’ If someone would like to ask you something, they would probably start their sentence with, ‘bù hǎo yì sī (Excuse me), ….’ Or it could be that when you visit a Taiwanese, and bring a gift with you. Upon receiving the gift, she or he might reply ‘zhēn bù hǎo yì sī.’ It literally means that they feel sorry to make you spend money. Apart from the meaning of ‘feeling sorry’, ‘ bù hǎo yì sī’ can also mean ‘to feel embarrassed.’
在台灣到處都能聽到人說「不好意思」。「不好意思」的意思是什麼意思則因情況而異，字面上的意思就是不好的意思。抑或是，你到一個台灣人家裡作客，帶來禮物去。送給對方後，對方大概會回答：「真不好意思」，這裏的意思是他們覺得讓你破費了，真不好意思。或是覺得有點尷尬丟臉的時候也可以用「不好意思」來表達。
An article on BBC in 2018, ‘The island that never stops apologising’, analysed the apology culture. The culture has a lot to do with being polite and modest and is to a great extent influenced by Confucianism and the apology culture from Japan. Usually, when making a request in Taiwan, the sentence is very likely to be started with ‘bù hǎo yì sī.’
一篇BBC網站上2018年的文章分析了台灣的道歉文化。這篇<台灣：一個隨時、不停道歉的島嶼>的文章中分析台灣人習慣說「不好意思」跟禮貌和謙虛有關，而這樣的習慣背後主要是受到了儒家思想與日本的道歉文化的影響。在台灣請求他人幫忙時通常會以「不好意思」作為開場白。
being right and being kind /正確與仁慈之間
Growing up in Taiwan, I’d been regarded as someone who could be too direct to an extent of being impolite at times. Young and ignorant, I felt that as long as I was right, it did not matter if it was at the expense of other’s feelings. As a consequence, I sometimes offended people without knowing by saying something directly. As I grow older, I’ve learned how to tell the truth in a more appropriate way. Still, It's not an easy thing to strike a fine balance. I like the quote in the movie, Wonder: ‘If you have the choice between being right and being kind, choose being kind.’
在台灣成長期間，我有時直接到讓人認為有點失禮。年少無知，覺得只要自己說得對，他人感受無關緊要。結果是有時候我甚至還不知道自己得罪人了。年紀大一點後，我漸漸學會如何在說實話時說得得體些，如何取得平衡確實需要學習。在電影《Wonder》裡的一句話我很喜歡：「當你要在正確與仁慈之間做出選擇，請記得選擇仁慈。」
‘Een brutaal mens heeft de halve wereld’/會吵的小孩有糖吃
However, when it comes to standing up for your own rights, being too polite can do much harm. Worrying about whether if I am not being polite, or might cause any inconvenience. In Dutch, there is a saying, ‘Een brutaal mens heeft de halve wereld (literal translation: an assertive person has half of the world).’ In Chinese, there is a similar saying, ‘A crying baby gets the candy’. This is an equivalent to ‘the squeaky wheel gets the grease’.
不過，當遇到要捍衛自己應有的權利時，要為自己挺身而出，而不是擔心自己是否沒有禮貌，或是可能給他人添麻煩。荷蘭文裡有句話叫做‘Een brutaal mens heeft de halve wereld (直譯: 敢說的人得到半個世界)’。 中文裡也有類似的說法，「會吵的孩子有糖吃」。這跟英文的‘the squeaky wheel gets the grease (直譯：咿呀作響的輪子才會被上潤滑油)’很像。
Niet voor de ander invullen/不預設立場
For me, it is a virtue to be thoughtful and putting myself in someone’s shoes. But extreme meets. Making too many assumptions can backfire. I remembered when I was being too polite, a Dutch girlfriend told me, ‘Niet voor de ander invullen,’ which means ‘don’t make assumptions about others’, even when you mean well. This is the one of the nice aspects that I like about here. I can always ask and always try without feeling that I may cause inconvenience for others because they can always decide for themselves and say’ no’. You will never know if you never ask. Right？
對我來說， 體貼和替人著想是一種美德。不過任何事情要是做得過頭都可能會適得其反。還記得我太客氣的時候，一個荷蘭女友曾告訴過我：「 Niet voor de ander invullen （別擅自預設對方應該怎麼做或是怎麼想」，即使是出於好意，無需老是替他人預設立場。我喜歡在這裏可以直接問對方意思，問一下沒有什麼壞處，不需要覺得給對方添麻煩，對方可以自己決定並拒絕我。不問的話，就永遠不會知道到底是怎麼回事。 對吧？
If you are interested in this topic, here are some articles to read.要是你對這個話題有興趣，這裡有些文章可閱讀。
https://www.cw.com.tw/article/5098083
https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20181031-the-island-that-never-stops-apologising